The Paradox of Parenting: Embracing Challenges and Finding Connection through Yoga
I’m a yoga teacher, a writer, and a freelancer, but my most important job is being a mom. I have two kids, Wyatt age nine and Lucy age four. They’re silly, bright, energetic, and curious. They’re all around wonderful little humans, and I love being their mom. But…
…They can also be frustrating. Really frustrating. During those moments when I’m trying to make dinner and I’ve repeated myself five times that no one is having snacks yet all my proclamations seem to have fallen on deaf ears, I feel tired and defeated. In those moments, I want to throw in the gentle parenting towel.
However, keeping a level head as a parent is extremely important. Kids look to their parents to learn how to process their feelings and be a person in the world. No one is perfect, and we all have moments of losing our cool. As with everything, the aim is for progress over perfection. If we can begin to parent from a place of intention and connection, then we will begin to embody our yoga practice and bring it into our experience parenting.
Practically speaking, I have a few parenting tips for helping to connect your yoga practice with parenting. A quick caveat: I’m sharing these tips as a call to action for the community and a reminder for myself because I am certainly not perfect and need these reminders just as much as the next parent.
A family motto
I love mantras. One of the mantras that I say every morning is Lokah Samastah Sukino Bhavantu. This mantra is an intention and a prayer wrapped together. However, in order to make it more accessible for my kids, I’ve broken this mantra down into a family motto. This motto is more in line with a Metta Meditation, but I think it still incorporates the spirit of Lokah Samastah Sukhino Bhavantu mantra. It helps my kids and I to set a positive tone and intention for the day. Here’s our mantra. Use it, make it your own, or develop your own mantra based motto:
May we be well. May we be happy. May we be at peace.
Naming Feelings
During my most frustrating parenting moments, it’s really difficult not to react from my base instincts. It’s hard not to react to whatever is triggering me. But, I’ve been taking a second to just name how I feel. For example, if Wyatt and Lucy are bickering or not listening to directions, I’ll stop and say, “I’m feeling really frustrated.” Stopping to name the feeling gives me a chance to pause and respond instead of react.
2. Sleep Meditation
When Wyatt was a toddler, I used to listen to a sleep story with him called “The Rabbit who Wanted to Fall Asleep,” but as he grew, I slowly stopped listening to this story with him as part of the bedtime routine. However, since I want to work on developing mindfulness skills with him, I’ve begun bringing back bedtime meditations with him. These meditations not only help him fall asleep faster, they also help him to develop bodily and breath awareness.
3. Mindful music
While I’m not a musician, I am a music lover. It’s so important to me that my kids hear good music and develop good taste. I have tried to make a habit of listening to positive, uplifting music in the morning while having breakfast and driving to school. At nine, Wyatt is starting to be a surly preteen and complains about school, problems with friends, etc. However, finding the right music along with repeating our family motto, has helped. Wyatt and Lucy love Trevor Hall, Gone, Gone, Beyond, and Rising Appalachia.
4. Letting them be Themselves
Wyatt loves to ride BMX and go mountain biking. He is naturally talented and coordinated and can effortlessly jump over hills and other obstacles. When I watch him ride, I can see him connecting to his aliveness. I can see his heart shining. It would be so much easier if he played soccer or baseball. There’d be less risk of injury, and there would be a more regular schedule. But, I don’t want to squash his spirit. Paying attention to our people and seeing them for who they are is how we show our love. Watching our children and observing what they’re naturally drawn to and then encouraging them to follow that thread as far as they can is a way we can encourage them to live their dharma.
What are your favorite ways for taking your practice off of your mat and into your parenting life? How do you share yoga or mindfulness with your kids? I would love to hear from the community about the role of yoga in their parenting and any other parenting tips that can help to bridge our practice with our parenting.